Stuck. between a rock, pointy thing and a hard place.

Well. it certainly pours when it rains...although, in my case it seems to be pouring all the time. I am so glad that August has ended finally and a new month has started - I hope this month is better than its predecessor.

I've become unemployed - and broke a personal record and was "let go" from 2 jobs in a single month! I can't barely count the times I've ever actually been let go, let alone twice in a month and that was certainly a shocker. The first was a corporate gig and I honestly think this poor man made a bad hiring mistake. I was his first helping hand to be hired - and he wanted me to overrule the 3 offices he had - more of a vice president than the "office manager/receptionist" position he had listed. I didn't have any of the required licensing or field experience as a broker and I think he thought that can be compensated via schooling - but really, experience can't be bought as we know - so we parted rather amicably even though this screwed up all of my plans.  Luckily, I got a part-time gig in a tiny gift shop I've been frequenting and then was promptly removed after training due to politics and some undue jealousy issues.... One I managed to befriend said I was overqualified and many of the staff felt that I would be the natural successor to management position ,which everyone was sort of hoping to get but not with me there. *boo*

I was told once that you should not hit to ground running in every job you do because if you outshine them all from the start they will turn and kick you out - you need to be smart about it - I'm clearly not a bright person when it comes to this sort of thing.... :(

My ego and esteem took a pretty hard hit and now I am, defeated.  I have made enough lemonades with the buckets of lemons poured onto me to last me several life times.
I wonder if I would have been better off to have stayed at a job that made me feel most unwanted but gave me a steady income than risk it all for something that seemed better.

I have spent so much time making everyone else rich for a small cut of the profit and while I wish I had my own, I am too much of a chicken to start anything of my own,  and I haven't a clue what I would do....and how would I fund myself during those first years?

 I just want to do what many take for granted; have a steady income and finally start a family with someone that loves me....and the opportunity has finally come knocking but I am not able to take it...

Why?

Because while I managed to find someone that loves me he's not in the same country and has hellova complicated history.  Communication is a barrier we can probably overcome with time but seeing that we're not even in the same country, living together and trying things out first isn't even an option....
I have good mind to pack it up and live there for a little while but what would I do to survive?  I have nothing but debt holding me here but it is enough to lock me down here...
Maybe that's an excuse? maybe I am just to selfish and scared to give up what little I have here, go there for a few months to try it out only to find that it doesn't work  than have to come back and try to restart myself from nothing again. I HATE RESTARTING , that is all I seem to have been doing.
I wish I had an answer....or someone to soundboard this off of...:(

Bookbinding is taking over ...no not really.

Alright, I AM ON A ROOOOOOOLLLL here, with bookbinding.
I have watched too many Youtube videos now to NOT continue to make my own little journals to not only use up even MORE piles of stuff I have, but to try out some funky ideas I've seen people do!

I STILL have NO room for new craft supplies....AT ALL. But the 3 little boxes full of paper is now void of all paper sheets and have been filled with tags and other goodies to go IN the books instead which provides slight more room on my shelf.  I don't have a firm goal or anything as to when I can get more supplies but currently my gut says I have too much stuff I don't use and I should really refrain from getting more stuff that I'm prolly not going to use for a long long time.

I have also discovered, that I don't think I'm a stamper...or maybe I'm just doing it wrong? I love to write, cut, glue, draw, stencil but stamping doesn't seem to yet have found a spot in my heart. I'm surprised that I even like stenciling? but apparently this is a fact.

I had made a few "naked" books - books with minimal decor so that the recipient can use it to explore their creative side and with lots of space to write. I ramble a lot and use journals for writing mostly - so I made some journals that is mainly for writing but with some decors so should you be moved to doodle or be creative, you can without feeling the pressure of the BLANK WHITE PAGE.

I've also started making the journal/planner book thing I intend to use for year 2016, using up more of my paper stash - I've been watching how people are frantic about Midoris, faudoris, Hobonichi etc. and I'm not 100% convinced? I LOOOOOVE my $3 planner from the dollar store that has the yearly, monthly and weekly set up the way I wanted....but I am super intrigued by this "grid paper planning" business ....and guess what? I found 3 packs of grid paper in my stash and decided to make  some books....I've not quite worked out how I'm going to use this so as soon as I do, I will do a video of it.

 I also started making my Book of 2015 already; I know that sounds funny but last year, I didn't get around to putting a BOOK OF 2014 until end of the year and THAT WAS A PAIN.  I mean, all it is the cover - a place to house all my "art bits" from the year but it seems to always take the longest.... I actually think I have miscalculated the thickness of the cover but we shall see and I will certainly do a flip of it for sure in the new year. I am actually super happy with how the cover turned out but we will see what happens - there is ALWAYS something with covers -_-

Anyhow, that was all for the day :)

Take care,
Love always,
Shines.

Narrowing it down, down... down to...3 things? 4 things??

My life is a whirlwind...I had written a draft update months ago and it has yet made it to public...and since then so many things has changed but I shall divide topics accordingly and keep y'all updated :)

This year my goal was try to find some solid answers to many questions, in particular what do I enjoy doing - for work and for fun. I've always done what I had to workwise and not much thought was put into it. In the recent days, I've been able to find some answers and hopefully I'll be able to share that in the future.

Creatively - this was an easier answer in someways as I can try out whatever I wanted without reservation, providing that $$ was there to fund the curiosity...but then I ended up with many MANY  interests and nooo room left in my tiny apt OR time to pursue any of them with any degree of seriousness.
Recently I have managed to narrow it down to a few - which is STILL a lot more than I want but better than endless list of things I like. I would have to send a GIANT THANK YOU  to the people of Youtube who shared their passion on line and inspired my juices to flow, organize itself and finally, come into focus....as bookbinding. I don't know if that's what IT IS really but let's call it that for now.

I love books - or maybe its paper? I had kept a journal since I was a little girl and had mountains of books that kept me company when the world forgot my existence. I've kept a large library of books for a long time but I was soon running out of space - books, journals, coloring books  - they took up more space than I did,  and was a source of pain when moving. I traded most of my collection for a digital version of them.  One thing I couldn't trade was the heap of pages from magazines, packaging and other "junk" that I'd kept because I LIKED something about it. This collection also included mountains of  the one-sided printed pages from work that I had diligently brought home because, recycling system was questionable at work and I KNEW something could be done with it. This pile grew into exponential proportions and soon took over my shelf.

After much ponder I invested in a Cinch to alleviate this issue; at least, with the one-side print outs. I made piles of  scratch-notebooks and  gave one to everyone who helped create the pile of pages at work (they loved it, thank goodness). I also use it for brain dumping and writing notes, lists etc. which seems to have a therapeutic effect to my life.

Sometime in 2013 I bumped into the super inspiring Jenniebellie who helped me justify my hoarding of the other "junk" but I didn't think much of it because I didn't really have that many greeting cards and I was certainly NOT going to buy more STUFF to add to the pile! somewhere along the line I discovered how to bind your own books - I made a few signatures from piles of Copic catalogs and started to try my hand in art journaling after being inspired by Vicky...and I found that I really enjoyed making journals!!

This grew into a full blow out project and I started to dig into my stashes of paper to make my own little books for journaling (I was going to be set for the rest of my life in journal supplies! -well at least I thought I was) and helped me reduce my bookshelf full of paper to manageable 3 little boxes of papers.  As the journals I've made have also found new homes, I don't even have any on the shelf, which is even BETTER!  This year, I discovered the planner community and the Documented Life Project, where I learned even MORE ways to use journals(which meant I could just keep making'em!!) and keep a memory of my life somehow and not feel as if time was simply wasted.
So ...I guess planners? books? bookbinding? I dunno that whole BOOK area is awesome.
Here is a little video flip of Book of 2014 holding all the "creative" things  I made in 2014:

I even made a travel journal for my FIRST out of country vacay this year to Costa Rica:

...wow.... I sound really weird on video - sorry about the shakiness and bad lighting :( they're my first few videos, I'll get better  XD

The second great love came about in Nov 2014 when I discovered crochet. My friend lent a helping hand in reading the pattern and then I WAS DONE. I was crocheting little amigurumi from dawn to dusk for friends and I could not wait to get my hands on more colorful yarn. I even sold some which was GREAT help in getting my hands on some more yarn  and continue this obsession LOL.

Anyway, I think that is about it in terms of crafting update. Its so nice to finally be able to answer the question "what sort of crafts do you do" with a paragraph long answer vs. an essay answer :D hopefully I can get that narrowed down even further but we'll see.

Take care,
Love Always,
Shines.

HELLOOOO 2015

OKAY.
So clearly I fell off the blogging bandwagon once again (it seems to be an annual event at this point) except this time, I don't feel so bad because this time it wasn't life that caught up to me and drove me up the wall (although that's still ongoing) but it was creative adventures. At last, the year started on a creative note.
The many adventures I've been involved in include the world of Documented Life Project, Amigurumi, scrap bookbinding and return to coloring; soon, I am going to explore the world of need felting. Everything I have been interested in but "never had time for" - This year is the year I will try them out ! So far, the journey has been more than fulfilling and supremely addictive.  Here is a "brief" summary of how I got to this beautiful mess.

ONCE, when I was 8 my mama (also a DIY fanatic) introduced me to the calm world of knitting. I made a scarf and that was the end of that. I make scarves annually because I just can't find scarf I like enough to buy (super picky) and knitting truly is a slow and calming activity. Unfortunately, knitting wasn't my calling. I enjoyed things that are...less functional, cute and pretty things really... which made me feel bad...then I saw this meme which made it alll better; happiness and sense of accomplishment provides priceless intrinsic rewards!

ANYWAY.
I went to my first "Stitch & Bitch" session with a friend who LOVED knitting, hoping that it would kindle a spark. I was looking for a pattern to knit until I came across this cat cave crochet pattern which looked simple enough and I randomly had a crochet hook lying around.  Unfortunately at this time neither of my cats understood the concept of cat cave ,so it ended up being a cushion after days of trying to coaxed them to love the cave. They love the cushions though!

 This sent me whirling into the world of crochet, in particular, amigurumi (which means small handmade toy in Japanese, I think). There are tons of generous and talented souls out there that share the pattern they made. One of my favourites Stephanie of Amigurumei , who makes the easiest patterns for the cutest things! This thoughtful woman has even made a Patterns page on her blog for easy access.  This new hobby turned into an obsession really, and I was a serial hooker for a while there - eat, work, crochet was a daily thing until recently - now I sleep sometimes XD
You can see all the stuff I have made so far on my Amigurumi album on my FB page, if you're curious.

The bookbinding thing isn't new. I always enjoyed upcycling scrap paper. My entire art journal last year was made from upcycled Copic Market catalogs. I work at a place where printing is mandatory and scrap pages are available by the mountains. Being a hoard, I kept a lot of scraps but I simply couldn't use them up quick enough and my little apt was getting crammed up with all sorts of junk I had saved (Youtube is REALLY a great place if you want reasons to start hoarding).  After much hmming and haaaing, I bought myself a Cinch bookbinding tool - which turned out the be an excellent investment.  Instead of spending hours hand-stitching and gluing , which left little energy and motivation to actually do the fun bits like decorating, I spent minutes binding the book and hours playing and altering cardboard covers. So far I have made and given away 4 books which are all being used on daily basis. Having less in my hoarder box is good; knowing that the books are appreciated, loved and used daily is awesome; feeling that art/crafting didn't create more garbage is AMAZING. I don't get to make them often (because they're super fat books and takes a while to use them) but I certainly have a whole pile of 'em made for the next person who wants one. You can see what it looks like here.

The Documented Life Project is something I discovered last year. I fell in love with the idea of Documented Life Project 2015 page.

having a sketbook/planner/journal all in one place (deep inside, I am a minimalist. or multifunctionalist- I like things that can serve more than one purpose). In fact, my planner was already a mix of 3 but this gave it structure that it needed. I was bent on taking part this year and although the idea has migrated to more of Art Journaling, I am having a great time playing along. It really forces you to be creative and to play, at least once a week. This project has put my art journalling to a pause but I feel like it will only enhance my love for art journals.  So far, with the exception of ONE challenge (which I will fulfill soon when I have some under paper made) I have been following along. What is most exciting is that I can already SEE myself breaking out in baby steps from the way I have been journaling and actually having FUN.  In a strange way, the weekly challenges really aligned to the experiences I was going through during the week , which makes this even more remarkable journey to embark on! To see the pages of the week you can check out my

At around the same time, I had  become super interested in Wreck This Journal project - which from day 1 proved that I was not as "free flowing" as I was hoping I was. Unfortunate this project will have to hold for a bit as I've piled a ton on my plate already. LOL

Lastly, I have returned to coloring.

I can draw - and I enjoy being able to draw; but, I have always loved coloring and if I could, I would sweet piece of work for Valentines day. I printed it, stuck it on my planner and colored it using my trusty Crayola markers. TOO FUN.   Of COURSE I had to go and buy one of those books I've been pondering on. I debated but in the end the Secret Garden is what I chose - mostly because there are pages filled with doodly flowers I just can't do without. So far, I'm working on a nice little fishy page - I'm getting lost in the details but I LOVE IT.
make a living from it. Its another meditative therapy (apparently I need a lot of therapy these days) that I couldn't get a start on for whatever reason (mostly because I was busy crocheting).  Then, the amazing Johanna Basford who inked "Secret Garden" and "Enchanted Forest" for the kid in us, released this
I forgot how awesome it was to  PAINT SOMETHING.
This book is going to last me YEARS at the rate I'm coloring them which makes it SO WORTH IT! It also put all other coloring projects on hold but OOOH well, it's not going anywhere anyways. lol

getting my crafty on...

WELL.

Summer finally arrived in Toronto and I was trying to get my fill of the sun all last week - it's been a crazy week (and I imagine it will get crazier in the upcoming months) but, I didn't forget to indulge in some art/craft time.  First though, I got myself a 2nd cat - my one cat seemed lonely and I was feeling pretty guilty that I never replaced his friend that he grew up with -and I was able to find a cat that was sweet and cuddly and playful.  So much of past two weeks were consumed in trying to get them to at least tolerate each other (my dreams that they would start snuggling right away didn't happen).  We are finally all getting along somewhat and the new cat was adjusting super well by week 2.  I finally caught up on some missed sleep and had some time to myself to start a couple of small projects - mostly crafty ones this time (which is good because I haven't done any in a while).

Usually I engage with my "crafty" side during the winter/fall season (which just means I'll knit endless amount of scarves) - this year it had started a little early, thanks to a coworker who posted pictures of little elephants she crocheted over the weekend.
Crochet is something I had always wanted to try but it never really made sense to me - but I was encouraged by my friend's post and decided to give it a shot at making a cat cave - I had a cat cave pattern saved for eons and had enough yarn to give it a shot. I had plenty of yarn left over from a previous un-started project and hook to go along with it.

While I was making this (I had to undo and redo a few times because it was ruffling) I realized because I didn't use a big thick yarn like the pattern said to, my project needed much improvising.

I can't even tell you how many times I've un-stitched this project due to ruffling and curing; I probably could have started and finished another cat cave with the amount of times I spent in redoing the thing. I just couldn't let either of ruffling and curling just pass me by though....-_-  The good thing of course, is I REALLY LEARNED how crocheting works and it allowed me to get a little creative and I added a band of colour using pink and red yarn I had lying around....which gave it the pop of color I wanted, not that my cat is going to ever notice :)
Hopefully I will be able to make two cat caves before winter comes...!!

Another little thing I wanted to get back into was sculpting.
Playing with clay had always been a favourite of mine except the giant mess- not that it ever stopped me. I stopped because there wasn't a kiln facility available and to get one was painfully expensive,especially for a hobby I wasn't particularly talented in.  I remember long long time ago I bought a bunch of Fimo but I never got around to play with them.  Not long after, I had been "forced" to give art as a way of life and entered the business world...I was super bitter then, and threw out everything I owned (I am kicking myself right now).

Anyway.
Awhile ago, a friend of mine from work made me a little chibi figure of Tootless from How to Train Your Dragon (excellent movie btw) while I was on vacation - we had agreed to make each other a little something - and it was a wonderful surprise to come back to.
He recently had gone on vacation ,I wanted to make him a little gift to come back to-- but then Mello & Mamba (my cats) situation took over all things...and I couldn't find the time. However, I was all prepared: I had bought some "Sculpt -it " by Sargent which was air hardening clay (I wasn't sure if my oven worked) and had reference pics of what I wanted to make. Of course, i found that air-hardening was not as easy to work with and hardened while you were rolling :S So I finally got some Sculpey - and popped out a little kawaii lion (he's a Leo) for him to find on a Friday morning.  That was also too much fun that I have little plans for more projects percolating...

That's all I think...Oh, I took up belly dancing but that's another story.

Hope you liked,


Love Always,
Shines.

Trust in magic....

It's been a wild little week~ I really wasn't sure that I would find the time to make a post at all but somehow I managed to find the time in the week to make a few spreads.

The week started with me getting a 2nd cat.
I originally had two cats but one had passed away and the other was left alone. The one that's left, Mamba (whom I named after the black jaguar from The JungleBook only to find out that it was not the name), always had a friend as long as he's been breathing so I thought it was finally time to get him another buddy.

I came by a cat who had just been rescued and was lovable and cuddly as can be; in my mind, they started snuggling immediately and life was rosy. So I was rather distraught to see that my cat was not at all happy to see the new cat; in fact, he made noises I didn't know he could make. I lost so many hours of sleep that my cuddly princeling was being a jackdonkey.
After a few days though , they've exchanged sniffles and the hissing subsided a little and I was finally able to get uninterrupted sleep.

Had a busy weekend with a couple of girl friends - which is a pleasant surprise - since I can't seem to keep good girl friends around :D my little hopes of having girls night out was...possibly on the horizon.

I even went on a date with a couple of guys and found one with possibilities....

So much is happening rather fast and while I've committed myself to being okay with not having control over everything that's happening, this was just hard to wrap my head around.

This was a super easy and super quick spread. I already had some blotches of ink sprays on the page -I gessoed over that. I have some fantastic acrylic paint from the dollar store - you know the kind that comes in tiny containers with all sorts of colors? It's for kids yes, and the paint is not very pigmented - which is horrible for anything else but for soft backgrounds like this. They are so diluted that blending them is super easy.   The main art work is by Karina Skalin - I really enjoy her big hairs and mythical settings. I had colored this one in Photoshop once upon a time and  thought it a perfect piece for something (its been sitting on my desk for a while) - slightly modified but I mean the artwork is gorgeous. There IS a link to the artwork on my digital version.

I really like the flow of the letters....it was just a great piece to put together <3  It felt great to pick up a pencil crayon too - I think I'll do some more of that.

I hope you liked,

Love Always,

Shines.

Your don't deserve me.

This woman is one of my favourite celebrities... Shes' talented , stunning and smart.

I think we are all beautiful, smart and talented in our own ways -but we often forget and let people treat us whichever way they please. We often remain in a relationship because we are afraid to find nothing out there and end up alone.  We often don't speak up because we don't want to seem "out of line."

A quick reminder that,  those who love us will love us for every part of us - the crazy, funny, emotional and weird- and those who can't handle that - don't deserve our love, affection and time.

hope you liked,

Love Always,
Shines.