Let go

A confession: I have a hard time letting people go.

Even when I realized that it was a problem, I couldn't help myself. I believe people are good inside(don't they say we're made in the likeness of The Creator? and I've never heard of an evil Creator) and I hung on to the good that I saw in these people waiting for it to come up to the surface like mine did, but it didn't happen.

Once I even took dramatic measures and cut people out of my life that were simply sucking the vitality out of me( I call them energy vampires lol); and I have a LOT of energy yo spare, so for me to say that  it holds some weight- in retrospect I don't know how I survived them - and simply carved them out of my life. It was easier to do then I thought because they simply didn't care to keep in touch if there was nothing being given.

Until recently I had been cautious and fortunate enough to acquire a handful of great friends who not only inspire but encourage my being. I became so euphoric on this positive energy that I didn't practice caution and gave myself away to a rather deadly "vampire" who affected me financially, emotionally and of course, physically.

Apparently this was a bad seed but I was so happy that my friends couldn't find a way to tell me -but the cosmos had NO problem doing so. First, I got bitten by my otherwise uber affectionate, timid yet outgoing black cat , so hard that it drew blood as if to say "wake up" and the next 12 hours came filled with shock filled series of events and ended with me bumping into THIS quote 4 times during that time. I don't consider myself as a particularly religious or a spiritual being but I do heed to the signs that click together, and to my gut feeling  because they have never lied to me.

Once again I am reminded to keep my guard on and keep an arms length away until I can be certain that they can be trusted; to realize that sometimes, its not giving up but letting go.

The friendship/relationship you thought existed was only real in your mind and the reality is much different; and you must do all you can to protect yourself by not giving yourself away, or at least, find the strength LET GO and move on as soon as you realize the truth- and remember that you're not giving up, you're  letting go.

IT HURTS and your heart bleeds and pours out of everywhere; it's hard even when you have carefully kept your distance - or tried to - to let go of something that was so dear is hard.

I believe that life throws lemons for you to learn a lesson from ,maybe in different situations until you LEARNED the lesson; I was CERTAIN that I had learned it the last time but I guess I was just lying to myself; the heart does not learn well and its too stubborn to listen to the brain....

This was done recently in my first art journal that I had thought I'd lost - its quite serendipitous how all these things just HAPPENED - its such a painful page for me, because it reminds me of the pain I was in when I made it and the heart never really forgets....and it aches at the slightest reminder...

Anyway.
Sorry to be such a sap.

Love always,
Shyni

Paper bead Madness

 *SIGH*
Once up on a time, long long ago when I was a wee lass, I remember spending too much effort buying magazines only so that I can slice'em up into strips to make beads out of them. I wasn't ever really successful and I had little to no patience to make it nice and when I did manage to make a nice bunch, I had no idea what to do with it. I wasn't sure if I liked it but I never gave it a fair chance because my next craft adventure - dried flower arrangement - consumed my brain space.

Recently, my 6 year old fan (who belongs to my craft buddy) became a crafter and went nosediving into paper beading and was all puffed up and frowning because her attention span was as short as mine had been and her beads were...not beady looking, as she so delicately put it. So in my total lapse of logic, so euphoric was I that she turned into a crafter(which meant another craft buddy for me!) I agreed to make her some and send it her way...she asked for the highest number she can count to (200) and I promised double, which was 400. Ridiculous, right? well, I should have known better because her brain soon became occupied with another crafting passion (knitting - which her mama is into now).

 Anyway I gingerly picked up where I left off - I wanted her to have some stars and triangular beads - which I had made hundreds of (because Asian girls love to make stars, crane eggs and cranes lol) but no amount of varnish hardened it enough for it to qualify as beads.
I used whatever paper I had lying around - lots of origami papers I glued together, random scraps, and even transit pamplets and transfers. I found that I particularly enjoyed the transit pamphlets because they were slightly thicker and gave interesting patterns-even the pen marks added a pattern which I enjoyed.

I enjoyed this activity so much that I put nail polish colour on them and goodness knows how many layers of varnish. I sent the first 2 batches of 100 beads away -which she made endless amounts of necklaces with (Apparently that was all that was considered jewelery)- which sent a jolt of excitement and prompted me to make more, better versions. THEN I fell off the crafting bandwagon for a week and during those 7 days her interest had moved on to knitting and I am left with 200 beads. These are them. Oh well. At least this time around I can understand why people love making'em!