Let go

A confession: I have a hard time letting people go.

Even when I realized that it was a problem, I couldn't help myself. I believe people are good inside(don't they say we're made in the likeness of The Creator? and I've never heard of an evil Creator) and I hung on to the good that I saw in these people waiting for it to come up to the surface like mine did, but it didn't happen.

Once I even took dramatic measures and cut people out of my life that were simply sucking the vitality out of me( I call them energy vampires lol); and I have a LOT of energy yo spare, so for me to say that  it holds some weight- in retrospect I don't know how I survived them - and simply carved them out of my life. It was easier to do then I thought because they simply didn't care to keep in touch if there was nothing being given.

Until recently I had been cautious and fortunate enough to acquire a handful of great friends who not only inspire but encourage my being. I became so euphoric on this positive energy that I didn't practice caution and gave myself away to a rather deadly "vampire" who affected me financially, emotionally and of course, physically.

Apparently this was a bad seed but I was so happy that my friends couldn't find a way to tell me -but the cosmos had NO problem doing so. First, I got bitten by my otherwise uber affectionate, timid yet outgoing black cat , so hard that it drew blood as if to say "wake up" and the next 12 hours came filled with shock filled series of events and ended with me bumping into THIS quote 4 times during that time. I don't consider myself as a particularly religious or a spiritual being but I do heed to the signs that click together, and to my gut feeling  because they have never lied to me.

Once again I am reminded to keep my guard on and keep an arms length away until I can be certain that they can be trusted; to realize that sometimes, its not giving up but letting go.

The friendship/relationship you thought existed was only real in your mind and the reality is much different; and you must do all you can to protect yourself by not giving yourself away, or at least, find the strength LET GO and move on as soon as you realize the truth- and remember that you're not giving up, you're  letting go.

IT HURTS and your heart bleeds and pours out of everywhere; it's hard even when you have carefully kept your distance - or tried to - to let go of something that was so dear is hard.

I believe that life throws lemons for you to learn a lesson from ,maybe in different situations until you LEARNED the lesson; I was CERTAIN that I had learned it the last time but I guess I was just lying to myself; the heart does not learn well and its too stubborn to listen to the brain....

This was done recently in my first art journal that I had thought I'd lost - its quite serendipitous how all these things just HAPPENED - its such a painful page for me, because it reminds me of the pain I was in when I made it and the heart never really forgets....and it aches at the slightest reminder...

Anyway.
Sorry to be such a sap.

Love always,
Shyni